just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
