took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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