one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
