Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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