she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
