I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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