I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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