Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wear drunk well.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
