i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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