If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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