people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
this hospital has no fireball
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
