She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
