We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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