I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
