She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
