I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
