i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
