Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
