omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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