I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
