Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Tell her she can't have a vagina
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize