please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
