Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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