I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
