And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
