You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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