Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she woke up with a sticky ear
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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