What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
