i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
