I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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