There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
