bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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