you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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