you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
