from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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