Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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