Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
