I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
