she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My feet surprised me
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