I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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