i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
