Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
