so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
