i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
