dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
