Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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