I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
