From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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