I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
