Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize