She said her name was "party"
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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