btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
