I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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