The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
