What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
