I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
