I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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