Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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