i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
