i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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