Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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