I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
