i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize