If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
