Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize