Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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