He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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