When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
