Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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