god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize