i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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