Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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