My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
